In promising all
Giving little lives the spirit
Of Edward Bernays
---
joyously spellbound
in a heartfelt, altered state
morphed into a hound
---
Hypnotic coins
Sea monkeys to play with
Doggy done it too
---
too many words i see
more bosomy and leggy
just sell the sizzle
---
staring out to sea
where magical things were real
and cost a dollar
19 comments:
Look! There's text on the front page! What's going on?
I've decided to ever-so-slightly alter how I go about things here. Thus, the blurb I'd ordinarily start the comments with will go on the front page and stay there until it's time-up whereupon I'll replace it with five haiku.
The logic here is that whilst all the other images are visually separated by fields of text, the new pic has no space and is hard up against the preceding pic. I just wanted to give it its own visual isolation, kind of thing.
Besides which, newcomers arriving here are presented with an unclear process which might be expressed as some variety of "How does this work? Where do I go? What do I do?"
The intro text will thus function as a soft leader dragging the eye down to the comments button and the place where the action is.
I initially intended that the comments page should start cleanly with just a haiku and no explanation but then I wondered whether me commenting on last week's efforts might not be better in the comments. If the front is an intro why confuse it with chat about last week's? So I'll put that here.
We'll see how it goes.
I was spoiled for choice last week. Happily it was an ideal pic for haiku and resulted in too many excellent takes on it. As per usual the ones I put on the front page were all chosen by way of a rigorous deconstruction of their use of rhetorical technique, their accordance with the traditions of haiku through history, and of course, my own complete whimsy.
Um... mostly the last one now that I think about it.
But whatever. Pile in.
staring out to sea
where magical things were real
and cost a dollar
Toys of yesterday.
What is it that we wanted?
Mischief, fun, escape.
joyously spellbound
in a heartfelt, altered state
morphed into a hound
Excellent! I figure this one has more angles than you could count. And you guys found two. Very good.
Cruachan, nice to have you back in. Do I recall you as a rugby fan? You'd be rapt at the moment wouldn't you? Should be a good game tomorrow.
P - I thought this one might appeal to you.
I stare at the coin
"I will obey my commands,
and do as I say"
appealing, indeed. if that was used as a sales pitch for that damn coin I'd travel back in time and buy it.
I travel in time
to a second in the past
I travel in time
Oh bugger, that always happens. Never travel in time when you're writing haiku.
Hypnotic coins
Sea monkeys to play with
Doggy done it too
Fake vomit
a magicians majic wand and hat
out pops a rabbit
comics that entertain
a breif moment then gone
old but funny
a showbags delight of horrors
only a pstage stamp away
waiting with anicipation
hi Nobs,I really like doing these haiku things...I'm having a sunday arvo spritza and these go down well..cheers A13
Noice! You've nailed the imagery.
Now comes the hard part mate - trying to do it in under 5,7,5 syllables. Then it's all about rigour: a hunt for synonyms; simpler language; and dispensing with all unnecessary words.
And sometimes giving up on a thing and going back to the drawing board.
Ha, if only I could remember this over at the church. One day...
There's also acceptable breaking of the rules. I really liked your line over at Eyes Wide Shut, 'no one gets out alive'. Technically that's six syllables but I'd wear that because a) it's a great line b) it's simple and cannot be pared back any further, and c) we can count the 'a' in 'alive' as an elided vowel, which is to say, so unstressed you could count it as nothing.
So rigour is one thing and a great line is another. It's a balancing act.
Nob's i'll have to blame the spritzas for the outa whack sillybulls..but, i'm not a poet and i know it ;)
they are fun to do and relaxing for a better word.
I actually am starting to get it..kinda.
Cheers A
FB
In promising all
Giving little lives the spirit
Of Edward Bernays
FB - you sideways evil genius.
Onya A13.
You can not go back
At least that's what they tell me
I try anyway
dq
empty with desire
lacking a soul of his own
he makes her soulless
too many words i see
more bosomy and leggy
just sell the sizzle
as a mere mortal
tranceforming a mind to words
cultivating souls
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